Why did the chicken cross the road? Lost edition
by Haiza Tyri
Summary: The Lost characters answer the age-old question.
1. Locke

_Locke_

Locke: It was its destiny.

Jack [shouting]: But it got hit by a truck!

Locke [solemnly]: It was a sacrifice the road demanded.


	2. Hurley

_Hurley_

Dude. It was cursed.


	3. Kate

_Kate_

I can track it! I can track it, Jack. You'll never find out why without me. You'll end up following an emu around in circles. You need me.


	4. Rousseau

_Rousseau_

To find Alex. That is all it wants. That is all it ever wants. It has been searching for her for sixteen years.


	5. Claire

_Claire_

I'm sick of this, Charlie! All you care about is the chicken! You don't care about me. Well, just go! Go track your chicken. I don't need you anyway.


	6. Ben

_Ben_

To protect the Island. It's one of the good guys. It's not an aggressor. It just wants everybody to be safe and happy. [With a sweet, big-eyed smile.]


	7. Sawyer

_Sawyer_

It ain't my business. I ain't gonna go tracking down every stupid fowl that comes wandering through my camp. Anyway, he was probably just trying to get what was his. Did he leave a stash behind?


	8. Michael

_Michael_

It was trying to find its kid! Do you think it saw mine? _Waaaaalt!_


	9. Ben lied

_Ben lied_

Locke: I thought you said the chicken was one of the good guys, Ben.

Ben: I lied, John.


	10. Dharma

_Dharma_

[Pierre Chang appears, carrying a white chicken with a large black Q painted on it.]

Hello. I'm Dr. Marvin Featherwax, and this is the Dharma Initiative orientation video for Station 8, the Coop. Your job is to keep a careful watch on this chicken for psychological motivations. Every 108 minutes you must record your observations on this wax tablet with this stylus. These tablets will be [tape skips and squeals]. I would like to impress on you the vital importance of this task. With your help we will be able to measure [tape squeals and drags to a halt.]


	11. Smoke Monster

_Smoke Monster_

Rattle rattle mechanical cicada-like noise rattle rumble roar. [Chases chicken across road, which happens to be made out of ash.]


	12. Alex

_Alex_

I know why! You chased it! You chased it, Dad! That was _my_ chicken, and you chased it away! How could you do that? I hate you!


	13. Dharma Video, Take 47

_Dharma Video, Take 47_

[Pierre Chang appears, carrying a white chicken with a large black Q painted on it. The chicken is trying to bite him.]

Pierre: Hello. I'm Dr. Marvin Featherwax, and this is the Dharma Initiative orientation video for Station 8, the Coop. Your job is to keep a careful watch on this chicken for psychological motivations. Every 108 minutes you must record your observations on this wax tablet with this stylus. These tablets will be dumped in the middle of nowhere and ignored. I would like to impress on you the vital importance of this task. With your help we will be able to measure absolutely nothing! You know why? Because none of this matters! We're all going to be slaughtered by the Hostiles!

Director [sighing]: Dr. Chang, I think it's time for a break.


	14. Ben has Plans

_Ben has Plans_

[Ben watches Juliet petting the chicken's soft feathers with a soppy look on her face. Ben's expression is not soppy. It's a bit disturbing.]

Ben: Ethan, see that chicken?

Ethan: Sure do!

Ben: I'm having a dinner party tonight, and I sure would like some fried chicken for it.

Ethan: But what'll we tell Juliet?

Ben: Tell her it was run over by one of the Dharma vans because it was trying to escape across the road.


	15. Sayid

_Sayid_

You know why! You know what happened to it! _You know what it suffered!_ [Beats up the questioner.]


	16. Ethan

_Ethan_

She was going to lay her eggs. I had to help out, because I'm a doctor, so I followed her and tried to steal her eggs, but she pecked me viciously. I don't understand why.


	17. Charlie

_Charlie_

'Cos it was in a band! It was famous, you know. "Fly Wheel." Heard of them? Yeah, the chicken was the bass guitarist. I think it was late for a concert.


	18. Ben's faith

_Ben's faith_

Do you believe in God, Jack? Because I've got a cold, and I need chicken soup. We don't have chickens on the Island, Jack! And this chicken just dropped out of the sky. [Aside, to Tom] Where did you say you got it?

Tom: Hit it with my car.

Ben: Fine. Have Juliet make some soup.

Tom: You know Juliet won't make you any soup.

Ben: Tell her it's for Jack.


	19. Naomi (in Italian)

_Naomi_

Per raggiungere l'altro lato.


	20. Hero Charlie

_Hero Charlie_

NOT PENNY'S CHICKEN.

[Nods meaningfully at Desmond, who is confused.]


	21. Naomi (in German)

_Naomi_

Auf die andere Seite zu ziehen.


	22. Richard

_Richard _

It didn't want to die, that's all. It knew that only the other side of the road could keep it from dying. This side tried to tempt it away, but it felt the goodness of the other side and crossed it.


	23. Naomi (in Swedish)

_Naomi _

För att komma till den andra sidan.


End file.
